These are the words rattling about in my brain today. I almost wish it were a more glamorous prayer. Surely more eloquent words could be found for what I'm feeling led to pursue.
But these are the words and this is the prayer for right now.
The funny thing is, I've spent my whole existence trying to find a place to settle down. People to settle down with. And a spirit about me worthy of all this settled down-ness.
All of this is good. A contented heart, thankful for its blessings, is a good way to settle.
But there are areas of my life that have also settled in ways that mock my desires to be a godly woman. Compromises, if you will.
Attitudes that I've wrapped in the lie,"Well, that's just how I am. And if that's all the bad that's in me, I'm doing pretty good."
I dare you, dear soul of mine, to notice the stark evidence of a spirit that is tainted and a heart that must be placed under the microscope of God's Word.
Yes, indeed, unsettle me, Lord.
Unearth that remnant of unforgiveness.
Shake loose that justification for compromise.
Reveal that broken shard of pride.
Expose the tendency to distrust.
Unsettle me in the best kind of way.
For when I allow Your touch to reach the deepest parts of me - dark and dingy and hidden away too long -suddenly, a fresh wind of life twists and twirls and dances through my soul.
I can delight in forgiveness and love more deeply.
I can discover a discipline that lies just beyond what I'm capable of and grab hold of God's strength to bridge the gap.
I can recognize the beauty of humility and crave the intimacy with God it unleashes.
I can rest assured though harsh winds blow, I will be held.
Goodbye to my remnants, rationalizations, shards, and tendencies. This is not who I am or who I was created to be.
Goodbye to shallow love, sharp words, self-pity, and suspicious fears. I am an unsettled woman who no longer wishes to take part in your distractions or destructions.
Welcome deeper love, new possibilities, unleashed intimacy, and the certainty I am held.
Welcome my unsettled heart.