I thought I made the word "emotionality" up. Apparently not. I plugged it into Google, just out of curiosity, and whattaya know. Someone beat me to the punch. According to several web sources, "emotionality" is "emotional nature or quality." That definition works fine for me. That's pretty much what I was going for.
So where I'm going is this: I think I figured out my Christian emotionality. My Christian emotional nature. As I stated a couple days ago, I'm at a point in my life where I'm not interested in "emotional" Bible studies. I've continued to reflect on that blog entry, trying to figure out exactly what I was getting at. I feel that I set myself up for misinterpretation and possibly causing defensiveness in others, which I hope didn't happen. I hope everyone could view my blog entry as personal opinion and preference and not take it as me saying "I'm right and you're wrong." That was definitely not my intent. My intent was more to write out my own thoughts, reflect upon them, and save them for future reference.
After thinking for several days, I figured out what it is that I don't like about these so-called (by me) "emotional" Bible studies. It's the fact that to really get anything out of them, I have to be excited. I have to be all God-giddy. (Maybe I should be referring to these as "excited" Bible studies instead of "emotional" Bible studies. I think I will refer to them as "excited/emotional" from now on.) So...as I was saying, to get into these Bible studies, you have to be God-giddy. And that's very easy for some people. So people are so God-giddy all the time I want to just stare at them in awe and wonder. Regretfully, I'm not one of those people. I'm a God-.... I can't even figure out the word. Let's put it this way. I love God. I am comfortable knowing I am His child. I am eager to learn about Him all that I can. But I rarely get God-giddy. That doesn't mean I don't feel a deep desire for Him within me. My desire just doesn't manifest itself as it does in others. I have more of a serious, down-to-earth, and solemn devotion to God. Maybe this isn't good. Maybe my quest after God and even my life would be more fun if I could learn to be lighter about it once in a while. But I can't. At least at my current place in my spiritual walk. Right now I have too many unanswered questions, spinning thoughts, and confusion about God. I've learned so much about Him, and I feel that I grow more and more into the person He wants me to be every day...but the more I learn, the more questions I have. It's like the deeper I dig the more difficult it gets. I feel completely secure in His grace, yet my head is spinning in wonder and curiosities. This process become more and more serious (maybe not always in a good way), and then when an "excited/emotional" Bible study comes along, I feel like it interferes with my process. Maybe I'm being too hard-headed and stubborn. I don't know. (In case you haven't noticed, I'm just sort of rambling at this point with no end in sight. So I'll stop.)
ANYWAYS, moving beyond the "excited/emotional" Bible studies...as I said, I recently realized my Christian emotionality. Or, rather, the way to spark my Christian emotionality. It's clearly not Bible studies or books. But it does exist.
It's music. Turn on any one of many select Christian songs, and if I'm not careful and composed, my eyes will be filling with tears in seconds. It's actually rather pathetic. I cry on the way to work all the time. And on the way home. Or on the way to the store. Music just touches me. There is something in a good Christian song...a connection between the words and the instruments...as if the words and the instruments work together to move me in a way that neither could do alone. And I can just feel God warming my heart. I still don't get God-giddy. As I said, that's not in my nature. So even if I had wonderful praise music playing in the background, I still don't think I could get into the "excited/emotional" Bible studies. But while a good Christian song is playing...at least for a moment, for those 3 minutes and 47 seconds that the song endures...I can feel intense emotions surfacing from deep within, most definitely coming from my connection with God. It actually puts me on an emotional high. While that song is playing, it's just me and God, with me completely focused on Him and truly feeling His Presence. It's amazing. Three minutes and 47 seconds with God in song lift me up more than would ever be possible for even 3 hours of an "excited/emotional" Bible study. God-inspired music touches my soul.
Along these lines, I found a song today that really moved me. It reminded me of how God's love is there for me not matter what. If you're touched by music in any way like me, watch this video and listen. The second half is the best part.
So that's my method to feeling emotional for God. It's music. God forbid I ever went deaf. That would be quite a way for God to challenge me, huh? (Dear God, I was just speaking hypothetically, please let me keep my hearing...)
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Hi Kara! I just wanted to say that this post put to words the way I have felt all of my Christian life. I am glad you found your "emotionality" and your way of connecting with God in the most personal way.ReplyDelete
I have to be very careful about when I listen to Christian music, or I am a blubbering mess! :)
I have always found that the Lord speaks to me the very most through music....it moves my soul and makes me cry.ReplyDelete
I agree with you. Your experience with God is personal and profound, just like mine, even if our experiences are very different. I also like music...my brother-in-law is a gospel music singer and his songs often move me. You can check him out at www.erichorner.comReplyDelete
I hope you enjoy his music as much as I do.
I to continue to search for a more profound expression of the connection we all share with God and music does provide the doorway. My thoughts and efforts are a bit more analytical but very much heart felt. Try Quantum Emotionality.ReplyDelete