When It's My To-Do List vs God

Yesterday I was driving Krew to school, feeling anxious and torn up inside. My morning had been hectic, I had tons of to-dos I wanted to get done while Greyden and I were at home during Krew's school hours, and yet I hadn't spent any time in my Bible yet. I'd told myself the night before that I was going to get up early in the morning and do my Bible time, but instead I had listened to my sick body screaming for more sleep and so I missed my quiet time window. Now, a couple hours later, as I drove Krew to school and the boys chattered in the back seat, I kept going back and forth in my mind. "I have to do my Bible time. But I don't have TIME to do my Bible time. But I must. But then nothing else will get done during that time. But I need to read my Bible..."

Suddenly this random thought (or perhaps God-given thought) crossed my mind. I pictured a different scenario. What if a friend called me right then and asked to come over during Krew's school hours to talk? How would I reply?

I knew immediately what I'd do. I'd tell her yes of course, please come on over. And then I'd tell myself that the to-dos could wait, I had a friend in need, and God would take care of everything else for me because I was following His will to support a friend in my life.

Then I flashed back to my present moment. God was asking me to put my to-dos aside to talk with Him. Why did it seem so much easier to push everything aside for a friend than it did for God? If I believed God would take care of my to-dos and my schedule so I could talk to a friend, how much moreso would He take care of my to-dos and schedule so I could talk to Him??

Well that was food for thought.

So I came home, stuck Greyden on the iPad (because heaven knows he won't let me get any focused reading done otherwise), and dove into my Bible. I read the passage of Luke 8:43-48, in which a woman who had been bleeding for 12 years shoved her way through an intense crowd to touch Jesus' cloak, believing and knowing that she would be healed if she could just lay her fingers on him. My Bible commentary then said the following about the passage:

"Many people surrounded Jesus...It was virtually impossible to get through the multitude, but one woman fought her way desperately through the crowd in order to touch Jesus. As soon as she did, she was healed. What a difference there is between the crowds that are curious about Jesus and the few who reach out and touch him! Today, many people are vaguely familiar with Jesus, but nothing in their lives is changed or bettered by this passing acquaintance...Are you just curious about God, or do you reach out to him in faith...?"

Suddenly after reading this I realized: I should be like this woman in my quiet time with God. I should pursue it like my life and well-being depend on it -- on Him. If I would only view my time in His presence as the answer to my problems -- as is actually the case, and as this woman did -- how much more peace would I have? And how much more devoted to Him would I be? How much better would my day be? He should be the fuel that gets me through the day. To try to plow through the day without fueling up is neglectful, and I've faced the implications of it many times before. By the time the sun goes down I find myself exhausted, irritable, and feeling defeated. But on those days when I meet with God in the morning and focus my eyes on Him, everything else fades away and a hope fills my heart and I know it's all going to be ok.

So how about you? How's your time with God? Who is winning in your life? God or your to-do list? Are you pursuing Him with the fervency of a bleeding woman, or are you just a passerby in the crowd, hoping to catch a brief glimpse of Him sometime throughout your day? I'm certainly not perfect at this, but I'm trying more and more to pursue Him and push all else aside for that time. When I do, I know He'll take care of the rest.

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.
Matthew 6:33 NLT