Wednesday, August 18, 2010

20 Things I Never Knew I'd Say

Ah, how motherhood changes you.

A list of 20 things I never knew I'd say (or at least be tempted to say):

1. "It's just drool."
2. "It's just spit-up."
3. "It's just pee."
4. "It's just poop."
5. "There's a booger hanging out of your nose.  Here, let me get it."
6. "Ouch!! Stop BITING ME!!!"
7. "Wait, what?  The event doesn't end until 10pm?  Are you CRAZY???  We can't be out that late!"
8. "Why on EARTH does this store not have automatic doors??"
9. "There's no changing table in this bathroom!  What is WRONG with these people??"
10.  "I can't take the cart into the dressing room?  Seriously?  Do you want to watch my kid then?"
11.  "Why are you using the handicap stall if you're not handicapped and you have no child?  That's fine, I'll just stand here with my kid and stare at all the empty regular stalls while you're doing your business."
12. "Look at these bright, colorful, gaudy toys that rattle and make lots of noise!  I MUST have them."
13. "Why, yes, I am willing to stand in line for an hour and a half to get these used children's clothes for a dollar a piece.  Do you KNOW how many outfits my kids goes through in a day??"
14. "Here, suck on my finger."
15. "I just got another diaper coupon in the mail!!!  YES!!!!"
16. "Please stop staring.  Yes, I am feeding my child under this giant piece of fabric called a nursing cover.  Yes, I am in public.  It's either this or you get to listen to him scream.  Your choice."
17. "All the bright, colorful, larger-than-ever-necessary baby items around my house make me feel so warm and fuzzy inside.  In fact, let's change part of our living room into a play area so we can have all the children's toys out in the room all the time."
18. "Do do do do do DO do do DO do do do do..." (to the tune of a children's mobile)
19.  "Oops.  Sorry about that waterfall of spit-up that just landed all over the store floor.  Let me wipe it up with one of the ten burp cloths I have on hand at all times."

and last but not least....

20. "Wow.  I am starting to see the perks of owning a minivan."


  1. so funny but true.

    how did i survive taking my kids to chinatown...definitely no changing areas there, and i actually wouldn't even use the bathrooms there myself. and once at a car dealship, i almost had to change melody (when she was a month old) on the floor. the bathroom had incense in it and no changing area.

  2. Very true! I laughed quite a bit. I've said many of these things as a dad...except maybe the nursing one.